Last Updated on March 29, 2023 by hassan abbas
As a human, you can’t always have it all together, and coming to terms with that is actually a positive thing. However, if you always try to have it all together, you will likely go through many of these feelings:
You Lack Relatilibity
People become friends with someone that has commonalities with them. If you always appear to have it all together, people will feel like you are better than them, as in not like them.
And, the longer you are unaware of how you naturally come off, the more likely you will actually try harder to appear that way and create even more distance between you and others. This means being vulnerable with others about your failings will be hard. Not to mention that you might also end up feeling like you are better than others.
You Lack Empathy
Because you might feel better than others, you will start to feel like you cannot understand other people who are not like you, as in how others cannot understand you or do not want to understand you because you come off arrogant.
It is a bit of a vicious cycle where others do not understand you, so you do not understand others. But, all that does for you is cause you to be lonely while feeling like you are in the right.
You Will Be Isolated
An unwillingness to change is not how relationships work. So much of relationships are about communication and compromise. Nowadays, it can feel like being yourself is the most important thing.
But, being your best self is the most important thing, which includes not isolating yourself from others. It takes work to be happy and have good relationships. Having good relationships also means that you are not the only one contributing to the relationship.
You Alleviate Responsibility of Others
Always attempting to have everything together can lead you to not listen to other people’s feelings because you already have in mind what is best for the situation. Also, it could mean doing too much for the other person, especially if it is a parent and child relationship, where the child may not have much independence.
And, you can only control yourself and not the people or things around you. So, doing otherwise will lead to frustration and even anxiety towards things that are not in your control.
You Have Anxiety
Wanting to have everything together, but the impossible nature of always having it together will create a sense of anxiety and striving towards a goal that will never be in reach. However, anxiety might be the thing driving your need to have everything together. Besides, you make goals to reach them, or at the very least, it motivates you rather than you expect it. Overall, finding your purpose will help you create those goals in the first place.
The cognitive dissonance between what you believe and how you behave may cause you to feel various emotions besides just anxiety, such as shame and regret. In this instance, you can have regret towards others, but you can also think that you have wasted time.
You Lack Effectiveness
Trying to have everything together may mean that none of it is really together. There can be a sense of perfectionism that stems from anxiety where you spend too much time on unnecessary tasks so that there is not enough time spent on necessary tasks. That is if you do not procrastinate.
There is no discernment between the important and unimportant tasks, so you do not progress nearly as much as you could have if you prioritized what was necessary.
You Lack Reflection
You will never learn from your mistakes if you always pursue the goal of having everything together. That’s because the whole idea of having everything together is a mistake.
Therefore, you can never grow in basically all of the aspects listed above because they stem from it. Only when you become at peace with the idea that you will not always have it together will you be able to start to change.
You Can Still Be You
Some people will always naturally have it more together than others, but letting that control you or making other people uncomfortable because of it is not suitable for anyone.
So, be yourself, but be your best self so that everyone wins. Of course, that takes work, but you are worth being satisfied with your life.